Small Changes, Big Effect

I read this article today, on the psychological response of thinking about hypothetical situations where something might not have been. In the example at the start of the article, the woman talked about how she met her husband entirely by chance at some benefit party, and how outside of that party they would’ve probably never met. Therefore, if they had only been standing a few extra feet away from each other, then her whole life would’ve been different. It’s weird because just the other day I was thinking about the exact same thing(clearly not the part about the husband).

To be more specific, I was thinking about events in my life that I was more or less forced into(i.e. I was unhappy about it at the time), but ended up being something I wouldn’t change for the world. A lot of them had to do with things that happened when I was a child, because back then I had no say in anything. My folks made the decisions and I followed them. There were a few cases where I probably could’ve made the alternate decision if I really wanted to, but ended up not pushing for it hard enough. A few examples:

-When I was about 6 and we were living in Switzerland, our visa expired. My parents had a choice of  either moving to another country or moving back to China. There was nothing really pushing them in either direction. On one hand they wanted a better oppurtunity to grow, while on the other hand the motherland was more familar and they wouldn’t have had to learn a whole new language. Clearly we ended up moving to the States, but if they had for some reason chosen not to, then my life wouldn’t even be close to what it is now. I’d be speaking a different language, I wouldn’t know anyone I know today, and my thoughts and beliefs would probably have been shaped in a different direction. Essentially I would’ve been a different person.

-When I was applying for undergrad my top 3 schools were MIT, Stanford, and Caltech(How’s that for stereotypical asian?), and I ended up getting wait-listed for all three of them. Thinking back though, if I had gotten into any of them I probably would’ve gone there without a second look at Cornell. This meant I wouldn’t have met any of the friends I know today. I might still be living half an hour away from Dan, but we would have no clue who each other are. This in turn questions if  I would’ve even picked Hopkins over UCSD for grad school. Truth be told, I didn’t get a great impression of Hopkins during my first visit. I liked the school, but very much disliked the city. If I hadn’t known that I’d have at least a friend in the area, there’s probably a good chance I would’ve gone with San Diego where the people are friendlier and the weather’s great all year around.

It’s a little wierd to think about these things, because they’re almost like the opposite of regrets. You’re grateful for things that didn’t happen, even though you wanted it at the time.

There should be a word for that.