Gripe

What a month.

Went home to see the folks and they dragged me off to Vegas for a week. Then I spent a week preparing for the conference and studying for my quals. Then a week at the conference and kind of studying. Then a week REALLYstudying. Yeah… bold, italicized and capitalized.

Quals was this week. It sucked, and didn’t go well at all. Totally choked on the last half of one of the orals, and almost didn’t finish the take home in time. Gonna suck even more if I have to retake it, which is pretty likely.

So very tired…. I think the total count for things I’ve read in the past 2-3 weeks is: Two entire textbooks, a 200 page set of notes, a large chunk of another textbook book, a hundred or so pages of random website(slides,papers, wikipedia, tutorials). I don’t think I’ve studied that hard for anything.

Now, classes are starting next week, I’m behind in all my project, and there’s a conference submission deadline next week.

Oh yeah.. and in the middle of it, I got some pretty lousy news about some friends, that was a downer.

*whewww*

Okay, nap time.

(500) Days of Summer

Finally got around to seeing it.

Things I liked:

I liked what the movie was trying to say:
-That love doesn’t always flow both ways.
-That sometimes we want something to work out so badly that we turn a blind eye to all the stuff going wrong.
-That there’s somebody for everybody, you just have to be willing to stop looking directly in front of you.
-That love is more complicated than a greeting card.

I liked how the story intentionally flipped the traditional gender roles. Usually it’s the guy looking for something casual (sex) and the girl looking for commitment. The way they did it, you end up finding yourself relating a bit more to the opposing character, while at the same time being a bit annoyed at your own counterpart. I think if they hadn’t done this, the story would’ve been really boring and generic.

I liked how the title is a pun on the girl’s name. Because puns are awesome.

Things I didn’t like:

I didn’t like how they decided to handle the day swapping. The idea was cool and was central to the movie, but I think they could’ve figured out a better way to keep track of the days. By the end I was starting to lose tabs on what happened before what. (Maybe that was intentional.)

I didn’t like how it felt a bit short. I thought near the end they might go back and fill in a few of the more “unpleasant days” that Tom conveniently skipped. It would’ve flushed out the story a bit better.

I didn’t like the spontaneous musical dancing scene… it was totally random, and didn’t add much.

Overall a pretty good movie. Definitely top 5(maybe top 3) as far as romantic comedies are concerned.

The Ring in the Champagne Glass

I was thinking about weddings earlier today. (I can’t even remember why; a movie on TV I think.) But it suddenly dawned on me how different the whole proposal process is perceived by guys and girls. I mean I always understood the guy half. And to me it’s fairly straightforward: You meet a girl, you fall in love, you date a while, then you propose. There doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of stress involved(the proposal part I mean, there’s definitely a little stress in the relationship part). I mean yes… I suppose you’d be nervous about finding the right time and place. But realistically if you’ve been dating long enough, the time/place doesn’t make a huge difference as long as you made an honest effort, and the chances of you getting rejected is very low. I’d wager that most guys know for sure by the 3rd or 4th year of dating if they’re going to propose or not. After that it’s more or less an issue of timing(Are we too young?) or stability(Can we handle the stress of a wedding/marriage with X going on?).

What I realized today, though, is that this is probably a very different mindset from girls. This is not to say that they don’t worry about timing and stability, I’m sure that goes into their decision. But overall, for them it’s more of a waiting game. While most girls can be pretty confident that they will get proposed to if they’ve been dating for like 4 or 5 years, there’s probably still some doubt. It makes sense I guess, because in the end it comes down to the amount of control you have over the situation. It’s very easy for guys to be nonchalant about it, because in their minds they can be 100% percent sure that they’ll propose in the future. Girls don’t have that luxury, because you can never be 100% sure about someone else’s actions. It’s always much easier to be relaxed about something you haven’t done, than about something that you’re waiting to happen. Also, I kind of get the feeling that weddings are a much bigger deal for girls than guys.

This is all assuming, of course, that you’re traditional. Although I don’t know anyone personally that’s done this, there’s definitely girls out there who would probably have no problems with doing the proposing themselves.

To close I’ll list some interesting stories/facts related to the topic:
-My debate teacher’s husband proposed to her by putting a ring in a paper bag in the toilet and calling her to look at it.
-I have received 6(probably soon 7) wedding invitations so far from friends I’ve gone to school with, and zero from people related to me.
-I am pretty sure 90% of the girls I knew in high school are married by now.
-Mean marriage age in US is M:27 & F:26. Mean marriage age in Utah is M:24 & F:22.
-The longest I’ve heard of a couple dating was from a guy I worked for at Philips. He and his wife dated for 7 years before his wife  told him she’s moving out of the state if he didn’t propose. (And this was not like a 3 years in high school, 4 in college kind of thing. They were in their 30-40’s.)
-The shortest I’ve heard of was 6 weeks(from first meeting to proposal).
-The longest I’ve heard of someone dating and then breaking up is 5 years. Although 3 of those  years were long distance, and I feel for long distance, it’s less about the time, and more about how often you see each other. These guys only met up like 2-3 times a year(as far as I know) and didn’t spend any of their breaks together.
-I’ve only been to one wedding that I can remember of.

Snowboarding Lessons

I took Lin snowboarding today. So we rented some gear and went to Beaver Mountain which is about 40 mins north of where my parents live. We took the lift up the bunny slope, got to the top and found out that Lin couldn’t stand up with the board on. For the next 3 hours, I sat at the top third of the slope trying to teach her how to stand up, only moving down when she accidentally slid downwards.

I’ve taught about 3 other people how to board before and I have to say that this was not a problem that I have ever seen before. There is really no trick to it… you just stand up. I tried a few different things, like supporting her while she stood up, holding the board so it didn’t slide. I even had her take off the board and just stand up in the exact same position.  No luck. I think she just isn’t able to throw her core weight forward. If you’re curious if you can do this. Just sit down on the floor and have your legs bent in front of you and about a foot apart(imagine if you had a board attach to both of them). Now stand up without changing your leg’s distance from each other. You’ll essentially go from sitting to kind of a squat to standing. Alternatively, if you can do a forward roll from a sitting position then you’re set.

At some point Lin wanted to try on a flatter location. So she took off her board, and I’m not sure what happened, but the next thing I knew her board was sliding down the slope at like 20 miles an hour. So I got on my board and chased it down before it knocked out some kid, while Lin walked down. There was no more bunny slope after that.

We grabbed some lunch and then went to the slope designed for toddlers(which is essentially flat) and practiced there. So for the rest of the time(about 4 hours) I stored away my board and helped her on foot. We eventually got to a point where we didn’t even bother having her try and stand up by herself anymore. Every time she fell, I’d just pick her up and then have her practice balancing, plowing and stopping. At first I had to walk in front of her so she could hold onto me for balance, but near the end she was going down most of the slope by herself. It was decent progress and someday when she learns how to stand up, she’s going to be all set.

I’ve gotta give Lin props though for sticking with it the whole time. The other three people I’ve taught were Kai-ou(my cousin) and two of my guy friends from home. Both of the dudes ended up giving up like half way through, complaining about how they don’t feel like falling anymore. Kai-ou was some kind of a god-given natural, because by the end of the first day she was able to start switching between board edges(something I didn’t learn until probably the 3rd time I went).

All in all, it was an alright day. Pretty exhausted though.

Noël à Las Vegas

The first few days of my break this year was spent at Vegas. We(me and my parents) drove down on Tuesday with a couple of my parent’s friends  and Lin(the random girl my mom convinced to stay with us this Christmas). Normally the drive is about 8 hours, but the way my parents see it: “What’s a road trip without a few detours?” So on our way down, we visited Bryce and Zions national park, which added another 4 hours to the drive.

Visiting national parks in the winter sounds like an excellent idea on paper. You can imagine pristine rock formations layered with a sparkling layer of snow. In reality? Here’s what Bryce looked like when we got there:

I had the particular pleasure of making the drive up to the park, and let me assure you that the road was not shoveled, and yes, there was 7 people in the car which made snow driving all the more fun. I think we stayed about 5 minutes at the park, took 3 pictures and then left.

Next was Zions, which surprising was actually pretty good. I think it’s because it’s a bit more south and at lower altitudes than Bryce. The rock formations aren’t as interesting as the ones in the other parks, but it was gorgeous never the less:

If I can convince someone to come on a road trip with me, I’d like to go to all the national parks again. I went to most of them as a kid, but I don’t really remember them(nor appreciated them at the time).

So we finally get to Vegas after the 12 hour drive, and that’s about when the trip ended for me. Since I’ve been in the States, we’ve been to Vegas at least 5 or 6 times. I think my parents like it because it was one of the first places they went vacationing at in the States. Also it’s relatively close and well known, so it’s easy to take people visiting from out of the country there. For me though, it’s gotten pretty boring. When I was younger there was some fun kids areas with arcades and carnival games in the casinos, which always kept me entertained. But those don’t really hold my interest anymore, and I’m not a huge fan of gambling. So whenever we visit there nowadays, I usually just sit in the hotel room on my laptop or read a book. I think someday I’d like to revisit there with some friends or a girlfriend, and do some of the stuff that’s a bit awkward to do with your parents.

Since I don’t get reception for most of the drive through Utah, I woke up early Christmas Day to make some calls(which only two people answered, everyone else is jerks!). Then we drove back.

END!

Oh I forgot! One of my Christmas presents this year:

I’m not quite sure, but I think It’s a face towel.

A Little Like Love

There’s this chinese card game that I sometimes play with my parents, where the point of the game is to get rid of all your cards. Someone would start by playing a set of cards(i.e. a single, a pair, a triple, a consecutive string, etc.) and then, going counter-clockwise, each player is allowed to either pass or play something larger of the same set type than what’s already been play. For example, if I start off with a pair of Jacks, only people who have pairs larger than Jacks are allowed to put something down. If someone plays a pair of Kings on top of my Jacks, then Kings become the pair that people have to beat. Eventually, everyone will have to pass on that particular set, and then the person who made the biggest play would get to play a new set of cards. This goes on until someone wins.  I think there are various versions of this game in the States. So far I’ve seen it called “Asshole”, or “Scum”, both of which have different rules, but hold the same general idea.

A lot of the game comes down to your luck. Sometimes you simply get dealt a horrible hand and that’s about it for you, usually you just wait around until the next round which will hopefully bring you better choices. The more interesting games though are the ones where you get dealt an amazing hand, but you just simply don’t get the chance to play it. Someone either keeps beating you to it, or the sets that get played just doesn’t match what you have. Eventually you’ll reach a point in the game where you have to make a choice: Do you break up your hand and hope to find another way? Or do you keep waiting, knowing perfectly well that your turn may never come?

One Crazy Weekend

I’m little angry at wordpress at the moment. I wrote this gigantic post about this weekend, but when I went to publish it, only the first, second and fourth paragraph got saved. So I’m just going to do a highlight:

-Gigantic Snow storm(about a foot and a half)
-Almost missed a ride to the airport because the taxis I called(and the one I reserved days in advance) didn’t feel like showing up. Ended up lucking out when a lady I worked with over the summer walked by after shoveling the snow off her car to get ready to go to the airport.
-Got SUPER lucky with my plane reservations being at night. It turned out that every flight on Saturday and Sunday morning were canceled and people were getting bumped until Wednesday.
-While boarding, I lined up right behind a good friend of mine from high school, who I haven’t seen in like 6 years. I convinced the guy sitting next to her to trade seats with me(middle seat for my window seat? didn’t take much convincing). We ended up talking for like 2-3 hours of the 5 hour plane ride, which is probably a record for how long I’ve ever stayed awake on the plane.
-Got home and it turned out that my Mom had invited a girl from University of Nebraska-Lincoln to stay with us for the whole break. Apparently she’s one of my grandma’s former students. My mom’s persistent… gotta give her that.

Snow

First snow this year was on Saturday. It snowed pretty hard all day, and then the weather became gorgeous for the 3 days. It was still cold enough for some to stay on the ground though.

To be honest, I like snow. I just don’t like walking, driving or getting covered in it, which is unfortunately an inevitable  side effect of having snow. But snow by itself on the ground is nice. It marks change, and gives the season character. I don’t know how people from those southern states handle having seasons that all look identical. I like it when the leaves change colors and float around in the fall, and when the ground is plastered with white in the winter. Even in the spring it’s great to see things slowly start up and come to life(the pollen sucks though).

Dan was telling me about how they still decorate for Christmas down in Florida, and for me that’s just ridiculous. The idea of hanging lights on houses and putting plastic raindeers on the lawn while people are still walking around in shorts and T-shirts.. blah, it’s like satire; a mockery. For me, it’s all about the blinking colors lighting up the block by gently reflecting off the glare from the snow, and the happy, cheery, Santa  waving and shinning at you through a mist of flakes and swirls. It’s about being wrapped up warm as you walk down the street with your closest friends, stopping only momentarily to feel the slight, but noticeable warmth radiating from the 40 watt bulbs onto your chilled face.

Winter without snow is like watching a barren wasteland.. It’s like doing one of those puzzles where two almost identical pictures are shown next to each, except one of them is wrong because it’s missing that bird in the sky, or that dog in the corner. Only instead of a bird or dog, it’s the kids building a snowman 3 times their size, and the young couples tightly grasping each other’s hands as they skate together on a frozen pond. Winter without snow is like the man in the corner of the bar drinking by himself: sad, broken, and still convinced he is every inch the person he used to be.

Holiday

Mmm… almost Christmas, and by almost I mean about a month away. But I bet you couldn’t tell it’s that far off from just the decorations. Personally, I’m wholly opposed to decorating for Christmas  before December, but most people wait at least until after Thanksgiving, at which point it’s really only about 4-5 days away. So I guess it’s forgivable.

Christmas is really the only holiday that the Casa d’Chen celebrates(although sometimes we give out Halloween candy if we’re feeling generous).  And we really go all out. First we take the pre-decorated plastic tree  out of the basement and put it in our living room, and then we turn on the Christmas lights that we left up from last year. On Christmas day, we give each other gifts.

Gift giving in the Chen household is all about being practical. Last year I got a dress shirt. Two years ago I got a large packet of socks. It’s really a great opportunity to get each other stuff that we will probably need to buy in a few months anyways.

As a result of all this, Christmas is the only holiday I’m not apathetic towards. A little warmth glows from my heart as we approach the season, and it usually lasts until the day after New Years. Ah.. I can tell you’re rolling your eyes right now, because you think I’m being sarcastic. Because my Christmas doesn’t sound nearly as awesome as yours. Well.. let me tell you why you’re wrong.

When you’re the only child in a first generation family, you are secluded. The very large majority of the people that share my blood are tucked away some 8000 miles away from me.  So there are no reunions, there are no weddings, and there are rarely a time where you feel like you’re somewhere where you truly belong(especially when you grew up in a state that’s 60-70% white and Mormon).

My only other extended family that live in the states is my dad’s brother’s family, who, like mine, only have one kid. And while I saw Kai-ou(that’s her name) pretty frequently over the summer, my aunt and uncle rarely stayed except for a day or two to drop her off.

Likewise, while my grandparents would visit the states every once in a while, it was very rare that their visits coincided with a visit from anyone else from the family.

The exception, of course, comes during the Christmas holiday. Let me assure you that there’s nothing religious about my family. The holiday itself has no meaning, and like Chen-style gift giving, it comes down to practicability. During the weeks around Christmas, we(the kids) are off from school and most companies have a few days off. This produces the only time of the year when my folks are willing to step away from their jobs.

So almost every Christmas until high school, either mine or Kai-ou’s family would make the 8 hour drive to the other’s home to spend a week or two there. We’d go shopping, have dinners, and do other activities you’d expect a rag-tag band of Chinese people to do. Sometimes one of the grandparents would be visiting at the same time, and then it would be ON.

I can tell you all sorts of flavorful stories, but the one that comes to mind was the year when Kai-ou and I put on a full-blown magic show. It took us most of Christmas day to learn and set up the tricks. Then we put up chairs and charged a quarter for the entrance fee. At the start we raised a whooping total of $1.25 to be split between the two of us, but after the show, our parents guilt us into giving our grandma back her quarter because it’s disrespectful to charge our elders to watch our shows(in fact, it should be privilege). We still made a dollar though, so not all was lost.

So there you have it. Christmas for me isn’t about baby Jesus in some random barn, and it’s not about getting presents and gifts. It’s about seeing people that should be in your life, but aren’t. It’s about a chance to be part of a clan, a group; surround by people that care for you unconditionally.

Come snow or hail, for me, the month of December has always been the warmest of the twelve.

Busy Busy

Whew.. what a busy month, two conference papers deadlines a week after each other, an exam, and all sorts of random stuff. I have to make 3 trips down to the NIH in the coming weeks and that’s not really fun, since I have to take the bus to the train station, then the train down to DC, then metro from DC up to NIH in Bethesda. It ends up being 2-2.5 hours each way.

Also, I’m so behind on sleep. Last Thursday I forgot to set my alarm, and work up at 5:30 in the afternoon. At first I thought I had woke up at 5:30 in the morning, because it was already dark outside, but then I realized I was way too hungry for it to be the morning.

Anyways, interesting things in life: It looks like I’ll be getting a small raise because of the fellowship I’m doing with the NIH. Probably still not enough to get a car, but I should have some spending money. Next weekend I’m going down with Dan and Duffy to NYC which should be fun. Mmm…. the new horrible for my health food is these Domino’s Pasta Bowls, which has replaced pizza as my order out food.  Not much outside of that… okay bye!